


Necessary Evils

by ByTheAngell (SomeLittleInfamy)



Series: Tumblr Prompts [41]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Family Dynamics, Gen, and anger, honestly I'm not even sure what to tag this, mostly just calculated justification, with a pinch of feels
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-08
Packaged: 2020-01-06 20:15:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18395576
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SomeLittleInfamy/pseuds/ByTheAngell
Summary: Jonathan needs the sword. He owes Lilith his rebirth. He owes her for connecting him with Clary. But that changes nothing about his current position. His life for the Seelie Queen’s blood debt, or Lilith’s. There’s no debate.He’ll do what needs to be done.





	Necessary Evils

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Jonathan thoughts and feelings when he was in Edom to kill Lilith in 3x16

He needs the sword.

He owes Lilith his rebirth. He owes her for connecting him with Clary. But that changes nothing about his current position. His life for the Seelie Queen’s blood debt, or Lilith’s.

There’s no debate.

He’ll do what needs to be done.

“It’s you.” Lilith says in disbelief. He shouldn’t be caught off-guard by the surprise in her voice - the doubt she clearly held that he would return to Edom. And why should he? Everything around him is crimson and barren, speaking of years of endless torture, of a heat that sinks into his skin and leaves him craving relief after the first few minutes of his journey.

He hates it here, so he’ll have to make this quick, then.   __  
__  
“Hello mother.” He plays the part he was, quite literally, born for - head dipping down in greeting, posture submissive, only allowing his eyes to dart up to meet her gaze once, just to be certain his presence is even welcome. It’s a very thin line he’s walking here and he needs to be careful.  
__  
“You came back for me, my sweet boy.” Lilith approaches him, her hands resting on his chin. He leans away from the touch, fighting a shudder at the nails which glide gently down his cheekbone - an action which could turn from longing to possessive at any moment. __  
__  
“Of course I did. When i rose and realized you were gone, I was de _vastated.”_ Jonathan speaks the words he thinks she’ll want to hear, and when she doesn’t immediately respond he looks down and away again, reverting to the only safe fall-back he has - yielding, and waiting.  
__  
“And yet you took your time. Leaving me here to suffer.” She isn’t going to make this quick or easy, he realizes. Any foolishly optimistic hopes he had of a joyous reunion, one that allows her to drop her guard while simultaneously allowing him close, are dashed as she backs away from him.  
__  
“Suffer? How?” He wants to hear her side of the story. The final piece to the rumors he heard and any assumptions made from after she was banished.  
  
“When that wretched daylighter blasted me back to this realm i was weak. My powers were diminished. Asmodeus, he took full advantage.” Jonathan fights back a smirk at that knowledge, but it’s too late. He sees the change in Lilith’s expression, the flash of anger in her eyes when she sees that even her own son is laughing at her inability to fight back against Asmodeus, just as the rest of Edom is likely doing as well. She’s a joke. At least now he can end her embarrassment before she tarnishes her legacy further. Lilith continues, and Jonathan controls himself once more. “That cat-eyed cretin he took my crown and he bound me to this room with magic he took from his son.”

“Mother I had no idea. If i had i would’ve come back, right away.” He circles around behind her as he speaks, no longer subservient in front of her, no longer playing by the rules. He moves as if he owns the place and not as a guest bending to her every whim because she just confirmed everything he needed to know. She’s bound here, helpless. Nowhere to run, nowhere to hide. And when the flicker of a smirk twitches across his face this time his back is to her, only turning back to face her once he’s forced his lips into an impassive line.  
  
“What was keeping you so busy?” Lilith asks, the words laced with jealousy.

“Clary she ran away I had to find her.” Jonathan gives the explanation quickly, hoping to keep the conversation away from his sister. She has to place here in the realms of the demons, he doesn’t even want her name echoing these infernal grounds. __  
__  
“ _Clary_." Lilith spits the name out like a curse. "I’m afraid that rune was a necessary evil.” __  
  
Jonathan knows he should let this go, but he can’t. It is one thing for her to speak down to him, but he simply will not stand by and listen while she speaks ill of Clary, or the rune that brought them together. “No, no it’s not evil. It’s beautiful.”

“She called you a _monster_ , Jonathan. She wanted you to stay dead.”  
  
“It’s different now.” He thinks of the little moments in Paris. Of the moment in New York when Clary had him pinned but let him go. Of their kiss. Of them being drawn together by the water. Everything is different, now. Lilith simply doesn’t know-

“Your sister will never love you like I do, believe me. If you didn’t need her life force in order to live I would’ve taken her heart and ripped it out of her chest and crushed it in my hand--”  
  
He almost doesn’t hear a single word she says, the denial and rage consuming him almost immediately. No, he thinks. No, the word echoes in his head, louder and louder, over and over. No, no, no, no, no. He won’t hear it. He won’t hear any of it.  
  
“SHUT YOUR MOUTH!” The words explode from him in a fury he immediately regrets.

“How dare you speak to your mother like that?!”  
  
This isn’t helping. He came here with a goal. A purpose. Lilith’s head or his, the Morning Star sword or failure. This has gone on long enough. He cannot afford to become distracted, to allow his emotions to cloud his mission.  
  
“Mother I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” The defiance dies in his eyes and he averts his gaze once more. He has a role to play. It isn’t the first time and it won’t be the last. “Mother let me help you. I’ll set you free. We can defeat Asmodeus together.”  
  
“Why do I not trust a word you say?” She’s suspicious.  

He doesn’t blame her skepticism. She’s right, after all. It’s a pity she won’t realize that until it’s too late. He’s done too much damage to his own cause with his previous outbursts, which only leaves him one option to resort to.  
  
“I’m telling you the truth. I realize I never should’ve left Edom in the first place. You’re the only true family that I have… mother I love you.”

They’re the only words he knows which will allow him close enough - physically and emotionally - to finish the job he came here to do. He wishes it hadn't come to this. Though the words are hollow and empty on his lips he still feels regret over the way Lilith’s eyes soften, the way her lips pull up into a smile… how she shows love -  _(_ _true love?) -_  the way he always wanted before but could never have.

Too little, too late.

“I have waited so long to hear you say those words.”

Her lips press to his for just a moment, but it’s enough. She’s within arm’s reach and the moment his blade is out he allows himself to flinch away from her touch, the way he wanted to the moment she neared him. This is the last time he ever allows her to touch him - she’ll never be able to hurt him, or Clary, again.

There was a time not too long ago when he would’ve done anything for her, but he meant it before when he said that things are different now. His desire for love, his unwavering devotion, rests in Clary. He’s doing this for her. For _them_ . He can never find peace with his sister so long as Lilith and her jealousy over the bond _she_ created remains.

He’s ready to do what must be done.

“Mother… goodbye--”

**Author's Note:**

> (Find me on [Tumblr](http://bytheangell.tumblr.com) and also on [Twitter](http://www.twitter.com/By_The_Angell) while we all hang out waiting for someone to #SaveShadowhunters ! <3)


End file.
